Carry On Koby

A tweet I published yesterday (@kobysfightback):

1/8 #depression #mentalillness# mentalhealth

Blo*dy hell! I am being mauled by the #BlackDog today.

I am on the floor! Last few days ain’t been great but, today, splat! You couldn’t peel me off the floor! Ran y/day, #running tomorrow, NEED TO! I’m drained, exhausted, numb…

2/8 #depression #mentalillness #mentalhealth #panicattacks  Defo time to see the #psychiatrist again! Even now, I’m 90% better than I was at my worst/lowest, in 2001, but I am drifting again, the time between the ups and downs is getting shorter and shorter…

3/8 #depression

maybe been on the current meds too long, #SSRI, #Recital40mg daily (was 60mg but reduced as docs believed too high, ‘#QTintervalheart concerns) (Recital is #Cipramil/#Citalopram) &, for #panicattacks, #betablockers, #Neobloc100mg daily (Neobloc is #Metolrolol).

4/8 #depression #mentalillness #mentalhealth #panic attacks

Been on those meds for 19 years: too long? Is it possible that they are becoming ineffective? Are there newer meds these days?

5/8 I’m not in a dangerous place, I can rationalise this, rationalise what I’m feeling, I know that my dark feelings don’t reflect my reality, that they are symptoms, a manifestation, of my #depression, my #mentalillness.

6/8 I’ve got zero #selfesteem, #selfconfidence, #selfconcept. Is it enough that I go back to my #psychiatrist or should I also see a #psychologist and/or #therapist? My mind is such a mess, so much #clutter! If it was physical clutter in my house, I wouldn’t be able to move!

7/8 #depression #mentalillness #mentalhealth #panicattacks

The good thing, the lifesaver, is that I know I’ll come out of this, I always have done, it’s just a matter of time, but I can’t help thinking that I should see my #psychiatrist again – I haven’t seen him for years!

8/8 I’m sinking lower, more and longer #depression episodes, the #panicattacks are back again, the numbness, #lethargy, darkness, #tearfulness, feeling of uselessness, #worthlessness, it’s weighing me down… Time to get on top of it! Action!