A friend of mine, Brynn Sugarman, a beautiful soul (as is her husband, Dov – they are a special family), she published this week, in Times of Israel, a sensitively articulated/worded blog, ‘FORGET SURROGACY – EMBRACE THE ADOPTION OPTION’, which I want to share (with my comments – see below the link to Brynn’s blog). Brynn posted the blog on Facebook with the following preface:
“It was challenging to write this blog entry, as I knew that it would be controversial, but I challenged myself. While I support our state-sponsored IVF/artificial insemination options, the surrogacy issue is far more complex and problematic.
As a parent who has has both birth children and a child via adoption (and who has both practiced as a childbirth educator and written an adoption book,) these are my thoughts…”
My response to Brynn:
“Beautiful, respectful and sensitive.
As someone who is adopted, who feels no sense of a missing piece in the jigsaw that is my identity/authentic self, no absence nor sense of something missing, I agree with everything you say and I’m sure that my parents would, too.
I have ONE set of parents whom I love, adore and respect and I couldn’t possibly have felt that more if they were my biological ‘parents’. I know they feel the same way about me and my sister (we’re both adopted, different biological ‘parents’). I’ve known plenty of children and their biological parents, brought up together, ie not adoptive families, and love, respect, togetherness have been clearly absent. I’ve always said that if, somehow, I were ever to meet my biological ‘parents’, all I’d say to them is “Thank you – thank you for ‘giving me up’, whatever the reason was (I harbour no ill-feelings as I don’t know what the circumstances were – they may well have been in a desperate, heartbreaking situation), thank you for doing that as it allowed my parents, my mum and dad (the only mum and dad I have, the only ones I want), to adopt me, it allowed us to have this life together”, and I never lose the sense of gratitude, I’m always appreciative of how fortunate and privileged I am to be mum and dad’s son, to have them as my parents.
I think that there is a problem of misunderstanding amongst parents and hopeful parents who are choosing surrogacy over adoption (and I’m not judging!!) – I think many just don’t “get it” – if your blog, Brynn, helps just one couple ‘get it’, your time and effort has been worthwhile. Your blog brought tears to my eyes – you, and Dov and your children, are beautiful people xx”