Wow! The chill winds of depression are cutting right through me this morning (I’ve taken my antidepressants but they may as well be sugar pills!). I’ll be ok when I’ve taken my ADHD med (Adderall)*. That’ll crank my engine. But, for now, the lights are on but no one’s in…
My depression demon has really thumped me this morning! I feel utterly flat, zero mojo, on the verge of bursting into tears, I want to go back to bed (I won’t!), curl up, pull the sheets over my head, I want silence, no one, nothing.
…memories, 20 yrs ago, when I didn’t want to go to sleep at night because I wanted to delay daytime – back then, 20 years ago, I stayed up at night, went to bed when the birds starting to sing – that’s how sh*tty I’m feeling this morning, but…
… I’ll be ok when I’ve taken my ADHD med and I’ll probably feel better tomorrow, regardless of the Adderall, such is my depression rollercoaster life – that IS depression. At least I can rationalise it, at least I know that I’ll come out of it!
And that is the point that I want to make: it’s temporary! If you go through it, rationalise it, don’t lose sight of the fact that how you feel, it’s an illness, the dark thoughts are a manifestation, a symptom, of your illness, they are not your reality! Tomorrow IS another day! And tomorrow is a running day and that will make a big difference – BIG!
*Hopefully, my psychiatrist will, next week, prescribe extended-release Adderall (Adderall XR): that lasts about 12 hours so I’ll be able to take it at 9am and it’ll take me through to 9pm. The Adderall I’m on now, it only lasts 5-6 hours so I can’t really take it at 9am, not if I want to get more out of my afternoons.
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