Hi, thanks for coming to my one-man show…I think that’s what this is: CARRY ON KOBY is a stage and I’m exposing myself, so to speak. I do that, ‘expose myself’.
I have an inherent need to communicate and express myself – it is, I guess, a symptom of my deeply emotional character, this need to say it out loud.
I am a dichotomy, an extrovert but I’m also an introvert.
I’m a public person who, via Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and blogs, lives a Truman Show-esque life and yet, at the same time, I’m a private person.
I’m sociable and ‘out there’ but am content with my own company.
I give the impression of being happy, and, in many respects, I am happy, very happy, but the demons of depression are always trying to dilute, more precisely, destroy, the happiness.
I give off an air of extreme self-confidence and self-assuredness but the reality is that I do not have much self-confidence and I need to, and I do, work very hard to fight my demons.
….the show must go on and I go forward armed with some essential – VITAL – weaponry:
- the love and unquestioning support of my family
- a positive attitude (not easy when the black dog of depression is nipping at my heels)
- the right nutrition
- sleep – a new discipline of mine, trying to get quantity and quality
MY MEDS DON’T LIVE MY LIFE FOR ME – THEY ‘MERELY’ ALLOW ME TO LIVE MY LIFE.
Blogging is, for me, cathartic, but I also hope that what I am, what I feel and what I ‘write’ strikes a chord with people out there. During the worst times of my depression, whilst I was surrounded by love, I still felt alone. I can, and do, empathise with people who are suffering with depression, low self-esteem, from a lack of self-confidence, people who feel out of place. I hope that their ‘seeing’ me, someone who has gone through what they are going through, someone who has been rock bottom and come back to life, makes them feel less alone, that they can see that it is possible to move forward and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I also believe that I will benefit hugely from reading about the experiences of others who have trodden similar paths.
A problem shared can often be a problem halved and I hope that we can share and halve lots of problems.