Carry On Koby

You can see from my abridged autobiography that I have travelled an emotional journey, a roller coaster of good and bad times, and that I am still on the journey…I’ll always be on the journey, we should always consider ourselves to be on a journey, always moving forward, always experiencing new things, always learning…

I have an empathy with people who suffer but particularly with people who suffer from depression (and many people don’t even realise when they are suffering from depression!), people with low self-esteem, low self-confidence. I can give advice but I’m not great at taking it, or rather at following it.

Depression, anxiety, low self-esteem etc., because of the stigmas and the fact that none of these conditions are really discussed in public, sufferers can feel lonely and isolated. I hope that fellow sufferers, when they read what I have been through, that they feel that they can share their experiences with me, that I’ll understand. Let’s all travel together, share and exchange feelings and ideas, spur each other on…let’s walk together….

I hope to attract to my site professionals such as life coaches and psychologists, I want to examine why some people ‘go for it’ and why other people are content to, or seem to only be able to, ‘tread water’. Nature or nurture? I want to look at the lives of people, ‘ordinary’ people, who have overcome disadvantages, who have jumped hurdles, who have sailed against the tide, who have dug deep and found an inner strength to fly into headwinds and to keep moving forward. I want to be inspired and I want my readers to be inspired.

What man has done man can do:

I’m not expecting, I don’t have an inherent need, to climb Everest quicker than anyone has done in the past, I don’t lie awake at night dreaming the ‘impossible’ – I will never score the winning goal in the Final of The Champions League to win the trophy for Newcastle United, I know I can’t turn the clock back and right my wrongs…MY dreams ARE achievable and I think are far less ambitious than some of the dreams other people have, dreams which, for them, do become reality. I think I have spent my life as a round peg and have been trying, against the odds, to force myself into a square hole. It doesn’t work and if it does, the round peg is not going to be a happy, satisfied peg.

I just want to be myself – that’s what we all want for ourselves and our children. If we are ourselves, we are going to be giving ourselves the best chance of happiness. Happiness isn’t guaranteed because outside factors, factors beyond our control, do often come into play but if we are ourselves, we are giving ourselves the best chance of happiness. If we do stumble along the way, if we are ourselves, we should be able to deal with the knocks better than if we are uncomfortable in our skin.

The powerful thought which keeps me right is that one day, and I think that day comes around quickly, one day (Please G-d), I’ll be ‘old’ and time really will have caught up with me. I’ll look back much more than I’ll look forward because there won’t be much time to look forward to, most of it, most of my time, will be behind me. I am genuinely fearful of having regrets. The pain of failing is nothing compared to the pain of regret. “I should have….”, “I could have….” – I say it a lot but, G-d Willing, I have the time to do something about it. The time will come when it will be too late.

I’m a communicator, a writer, a talker, I’m ‘front of stage’, I’m some sort of performer, and I need to ‘offload. I’m on the right road, finally. I’m in ‘the right place’ and I feel stronger and more able than I have ever felt before. I hope and believe that I have got myself into the right mental state to maximise the chances of success.

What is also crucial is that we try to enjoy the journey – none of us know if we’ll achieve our goals but if we enjoy the journey, well, if we don’t achieve them, we’ll have had fun along the way. I have dreams and I do plan ahead but I try not to lose sight of today. There is so much we can enjoy, so much to make us happy on a daily basis, so much we can do for other people and ourselves every day and I keep reminding myself of that so that I don’t waste those opportunities and don’t let time just pass by ‘unseen’.

Jimmy Cliff’s “I Can See Clearly Now” comes to mind (a song usually does!):

I can see clearly now the rain has gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It’s gonna be a bright bright sunshiny day

Oh, yes I can make it now the pain is gone

All of the bad feelings have disappeared

Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for

It’s gonna be a bright bright sunshiny day

Look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies

Look straight ahead, there’s nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now the rain has gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for

It’s gonna be a bright bright sunshiny day